such is life

YOU DUN DID IT. Nice job. 

santorini, greece
oia
8:30 pm

sunsets, to me, have always been the best reminder of the beauty of God's creation. we get so used to our everyday surroundings that the beauty of things like ocean waves and the color of someone's eyes become mundane and normal when they are meant to be appreciated and inspiring. this was at the tip of the island atop some ruins on santorini in greece. it was our first night in greece and we had battled our way through a seemingly endless sea of people to make it to this point. amid the selfie sticks and honeymooners we found an empty spot. we sat. there was one thing almost more beautiful than the sunset itself: the people watching it. 

wheaton, il. 
unidentified parking structure
6:15pm

my favorite day of freshman year. summer vibes & full hearts. spent with forever people. 

wheaton, il. 
unidentified parking structure
6:15pm

my favorite day of freshman year. summer vibes & full hearts. spent with forever people. 

wheaton, il. 
unidentified parking structure
6:21pm

my favorite day of freshman year. summer vibes & full hearts. spent with forever people. 

chicago, il.
metra - green line
7:31 pm

because, despite everything, i suppose we were beautiful once.

san francisco, ca
golden gate bridge
1:22 pm

this picture was taken on my film camera during a spring break trip to San Francisco. someone who wasn't quite familiar with the mechanics of a film camera and the element of focus took it. at first, I thought it was quite possibly the worst picture anyone could have taken. but I've grown to like it. not only do I appreciate the person who took it quite a lot, but I appreciate the uniqueness of the photo. we like to think that there are sure, concrete things to focus on in life. but often times, the things we really need to focus on are something out of the ordinary or unexpected. that could be a stretch, but it's a pretty cool photo nonetheless. 

wheaton, il
gold star chapel
9:48 pm

I go to a small, private, Christian college. in a place where you are surrounded by people with the same/very similar beliefs as you and you are going to classes like Old Testament and Christian Thought, it can be easy to fall into a pattern of lukewarm faith. it can be easy to neglect simple things like prayer when your professors pray at the beginning of every class. when I was at the peak of distress and anxiety during my freshman year, I found solace in a small chapel hidden in the hallway of our commons building. I sat in the little pews and just breathed and talked to God. there's a table in the middle of the room littered with post-its and note cards with all kinds of prayer requests scribbled on them. going through other people's grievances and stresses and adding to them with my own reminded me that I am not alone. it reminded me that though we all fight our own battles, we all serve a great King. 

mill valley, ca.
muir woods national park
4:06 pm

some of my favorite things in this world are my family and smiling. put those two together, and you could have the power to break my heart in the best way. 

seattle, wa.
denny blaine park
8:37 pm

no matter where you are, no matter your age, no matter what you're going through--always make time to catch a sunset. they are one of life's only eternally beautiful things. 

seattle, wa.
pike place public market
4:04 pm

everyone deserves to receive flowers, even if they're from yourself. treat yourself today. 

los angeles, ca
red lobster
4:02pm

I believe there is nothing scarier than watching your siblings grow up. because no matter how many inches they grow or how many boys ask for their number or how much makeup they begin to wear, in your mind you will always see the terribly tiny child hobbling around the house with sticky fingers and wild curls sprouting from her head. you will always remember her in her high chair with an impossible amount of food smeared on her face. and while she still may end up with food on her face at the end of a meal, she is now aware of how silly it looks. and now she wipes it away on her own, just like that sweet innocence that once covered her entire being. it's scary, watching your siblings grow up. but it is less scary knowing that at the end of the day--whether they are nine or thirteen or twenty-three years old--they will still crawl into bed with you and cuddle away all the fears and worries of watching someone you love so very much become their own person.

san antonio, texas
local coffee
5:17pm

I like my coffee black and he likes his with less coffee and more cream. I think that is a good representation of who we are. he is impossibly sweet and appreciates things in the world that are lighter and though his coffee is overflowing with sugar, that is the way that he loves. I have a flair for the bitter side of life. I am more pessimistic and, truthfully, a bit cynical. I don't like much cream because I like to appreciate the flavor and depth of the coffee, but that is the way I love. and while I can get lost in the depths of darker things in life, he pulls me back with his sugary, albeit sappy, way of bringing me out of myself and into the light. I like my coffee black and he likes his with less coffee and more cream, and that is the way we love.

big bear, california
big bear lake
6:55 pm

two roomates, two worlds colliding, one sunset.

we tend to compartmentalize certain friends from particular parts of our lives, and it is generally terrifying when those little compartments leak into one another. it is much easier, however, when it comes to two people you would go to the ends of the earth for. because now they are no longer on opposite ends and when you go to the end of the earth for one, the other is there waiting.

chicago, il
adler planetarium
6:38 am

a night [into a morning] of unadulterated impulse and careless spontaneity during a season i thought was void of the strain of joy this moment brought. a forever type of memory.

lombard, illinois
terrace view park
6:45 am

taken three days after the worst phone call of my life. i had lost the ability to sleep (and to eat and to feel) and often found myself wide-eyed in disquietude at the same time that the sun had the privilege of doing what i couldn’t—awaking from a slumber. on this third morning, upon realizing i would again be greeted by this star in what now felt like mockery, i decided i might as well make the most of it. i opened google maps, searched ‘parks,’ and liked the sound of this one. i sat on a lone bench and i scribbled in a leather notebook and i felt everything at once.

three more times in the next six months, in my lowest moments, i would return to this park, to that bench. for another sunrise or in the snow or in the middle of the night. one evening in february, after yet another conversation that left me feeling broken, i laid on that bench for two hours in thirty-degree weather and froze and wept.

that park never made me feel better. it never fixed things. but it allowed me to feel. it even allowed me to break. and, sometimes, that was what i needed.

wheaton, il
mccully stadium
9:25 pm

nearing the end of my senior year of college, i began to take stock of what had been the most difficult academic year of my life for a myriad of reasons beyond the academics. but with a repeatedly torn and patched up heart, weary eyes, and a weathered soul—i was and still am able to confidently say it was the best damned year of my life. and most of that was because of these people.

wheaton, il
the howard house
3:31 pm

saying a smoky farewell to a window that witnessed a lot of firsts.

munich, germany
st. peter’s church
4:58 pm

before we ever knew how remotely important we’d be to one another. they are my favorite story, my safest spaces, my home.

harrisburg, nc
mimi’s birthday
6:21 pm

moments & people i will treasure until the end of time, regardless of whether or not those memories will remain just that—perhaps we will only exist in the past now, but what a sticky and sweet time it was, and still could have been…

chicago, il
the corn cobs
5:52 pm

to look to the sky and know you are home is a beautiful thing.

wilmette, il
my childhood home
5:48 pm

these gates could never keep anything out, even when i was a kid. it was rickety and shedding paint and flimsily enclosed our modest backyard all the years i lived there. we were instructed to keep it closed lest our elderly dog, shakespeare, found a moment to escape. but had anything more looming than a friendly midwestern neighbor or small playdate companion approached said gate, no protection would it have provided. it just sat there, old, tired, and it watched.

it watched us do art projects next to the basketball hoop we never used. it watched us think we were einstein-level geniuses the first time we decided to put the sprinkler on the trampoline and jump around in bathing suits. it watched us say goodbye to our father when he left for afghanistan. it watched us grow.

these gates could never keep anything out, but it keeps in so much more. these gates hold moments no pristine, freshly-painted, stable gate could. these gates hold the skinned knees and red cheeks and messy hair that we can never get back. these gates hold our childhood.

garfield park, chicago
garfield park conservatory
1:47 pm

one of the most dazzling qualities of the human spirit is that we can still find moments to dance even in the throes of heartbreak

goleta, ca
ellwood beach
6:07 pm

find someone you love and wrap them up in your warmth. that is love.

rancho santa fe, ca
del mar sunset hot air balloon ride
7:14 pm

i could spend time coming up with a pretty string of words to caption this, but i’m too consumed with the fact that it might be one of the best pictures i’ve ever taken. that is all.

polebridge, mt
glacier national park
3:23 pm

a childlike glimmer of days gone past, greeting you with a kind albeit crooked smile, wishing you safe travels.

death valley national park, ca
bad water basin salt flats
4:49 pm

everyone says their mother is their hero, but i prefer to think of mine as a hero. she’s mine, but she should be everyone else’s too.

who else do i know that has raised five children with carefully fostered love in their hearts and fire in their eyes and passion in their souls? who else do i know that can defend her dissertation and ascertain her doctorate in the eighth month of pregnancy with her second child? who else do i know that has given up everything so her family can have anything?

i’m sure there’s countless others who have accomplished maybe the same or maybe similar things. but none of those people are my mom. and my mom is a hero.

malibu, ca
point dume
4:42 pm

everywhere i go, i manage to find a blonde muse with a hard shell, tender heart, and an utter detestation of having their picture taken.

santa clarita, ca
vasquez rocks
7:21 am

i sit and stare at images of them, and i can’t find the words. i don’t know how to express the insurmountable love i have for them. i don’t know how to express the terror i always hold right beneath my sternum that something could happen to them and i would be powerless to stop it. i don’t know how to express that if happiness was held in my veins i would cut myself open and eternally bleed just so they would never be sad again. i don’t know how to express the waves of sadness that bowl me over every time they turn another year older, waves which will undoubtedly turn into tsunamis as time goes on. i sit and stare at images of them, and i think this must be what mothers feel when they lay eyes on their babies. and it is the closest i’ve been to understanding what God must feel when He looks at His children.

death valley national park, ca
mesquite flat sand dunes
3:58 pm

two of the wisest people i know are my mother and my youngest sister.

perhaps the most sage wisdom comes not from those who have lived the most, but those who have sat back and watched others live.

three rivers, ca
sequoia national park
6:11 pm

you’re never too old to climb a tree.

you might be too small though.

jackson, wy
grand teton national park - inspiration point
3:26 pm

over the years, i developed what i thought to be a healthy fear of strangers. smile politely, keep your head down. lie when they ask you what you do for a living. hold you cards close to the chest. nod, agree, move along.

alternatively, i found, opening yourself up can perhaps be the antithesis to protecting yourself, but it can also be the gateway to a more colorful world, filled with foreigners to your life that become friends found on a hiking trail. sometimes, strangers hold the key to a bigger and more fantastical world. all you have to do is ask if one of them will take your picture for you.

paris, france
charles de gaulle airport
10:02 am

to this day, the best story i have is the answer to ‘where were you when covid hit?’, because the answer is in the air. entering hour 13 of 14 on a flight to paris where i was meeting friends who would be on planes back to the states by the time i landed. i wept thrice in this airport.

chicago, il
lincoln park - lake shore drive bike trail
7:02 pm

in sixth-grade latin class, we learned the phrase urbs in horto, meaning ‘city in a garden,’ which was dubbed chicago’s official city slogan when it was incorporated in 1837. since then, i always take special notice of bits of a city that look as if it could spend its weekends moonlighting in a garden.

there is a definite unique beauty to cities, but there is also oftentimes a lack of warmth, sweetness, and depth. horticultural details that lurk in sidewalk cracks or manage to snake their way along freeways remind me that no matter how cold or callous a place can be, there is always room for new growth.

london, england
notting hill
2:06 pm

places are important to me. i file Places I’ve Been under People I’ve Been There With. and as the People files have, at times, grown dusty and abandoned (whether or not this was against my will), the Places files remain pristine and glowing with memories that may have gotten old, but feelings that are as fresh as the day they were born.

i’ve been to notting hill twice. but the time i went with someone who i knew would show me her tenderness unconditionally, unquestionably for the rest of my life, was the only time that mattered.

hold on to the good Places, and the good People, and let go of those that no longer serve you. i’m still working on that.